Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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