True but thats because hes a fetus.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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