and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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