Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
