so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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