I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
