I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
