Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
