we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
