well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
