I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
