Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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