I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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