My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
