No awkward lesbian experiences without me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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