Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize