if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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