he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
