Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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