i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
