Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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