My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
