my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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