remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
