I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
