i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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