apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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