Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
