I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love having hate sex.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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