I cannot find my penis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
