ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
