there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
