Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
