Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
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I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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