Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
