Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
