Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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