Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
