in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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