Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
