You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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