i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
