it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
barbara walters just said penis...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
