Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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