his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
