My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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