Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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