she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
