Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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