made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
