Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
