I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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