Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
