im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
