Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
