I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
