No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
