just survived the first fart of the relationship.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
