sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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