If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
