I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
