while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
