either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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