Ambien. No doubt about it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
