i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
