rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
