My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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